The Turtles "Battle of the Bands" 1968

There are very few truths in rock and roll.  Which band was the best? Who was the most innovative?  Which singer had the best voice? Which group rocked the hardest?  These are all questions that are hotly debated, and for good reason.  It is hard to answer these questions definitively, and really, who wants to?  Having arguments about music is almost as fun as actually listening to the songs.  For example, if I said to you, “Who is the better songwriter: Brian Wilson or Paul McCartney?”  or, “Who is the better guitar player: Jeff Beck or Jimi Hendrix?”  What would your answers be?  We could talk about it all night, and have a great time doing so.  It's a Zen problem.  There is no answer.  That is why it is so fun to search for it.  However, I bring this talk of absolutes up for a reason. It's so I can instantly contradict myself.  I am going to put this out there, and I encourage you to defy my assertion if you feel you need to.  There is really no point though because…

By far, The Turtles are the funniest group of the 1960’s. 

                No other group could be as overtly humorous, as slyly witty, or as satirically jocular a The Turtles.  This humor is on great display on “Battle of the Bands.” The overall concept of the record is that The Turtles would pretend to be a different band for each song on the record, taking the “Sgt. Pepper” concept to a more disparate conclusion. 
                The most obvious masterpiece on the record is “Elenore.”  The lyrics are about as hokey and “teenaged” as possible, but in a highly satirical way.  “You’re my pride and joy etcetera.”  I mean come on, are you kidding me?  This lyric must have slipped past so many people.  The line’s not a gut buster; it’s more of a “Did he really mean to say that?”  The lyric actually sounds kind of unfinished.  Of course it’s not; it’s perfectly crafted in every way.  To talk about the humor in the song is to say nothing of the songs beauty.  The Turtles had clearly mastered the quiet verse/loud chorus formula with “Happy Together,” and were able to explore its magic in a new and wonderful way.  I love this song.  My wife loves this song.  My sister loves this song.  This is probably in my all time top 10 pop songs of the 60’s list. 

                “Surfer Dan” allows the band to flex their collective surf muscles.  There were tons of Beach Boys rip-offs in the 60’s (check out “I Live for the Sun” by The Sunrays) that tried to cash in on a very popular sound.  “Surfer Dan” is one of the best because it makes fun of the genre, while also writing a kick ass song.  I really like the cheerleader vocals (“Be True to Your School") sung by the guys.  They are so perfectly stupid, that they make me smile every time. The hyperbolic lyrics (“27 girls follow wherever he goes”) and double meaning drug references (“He’s so ripped he can’t see you go by”) give the song a lot of depth the more you listen to it. 

Clocking in at well under two minutes, "I'm Chief Kamanawanalea (We're the Royal Macadamia Nuts)" sounds like something the Beastie Boys would come up with.  With that bell clanging around in the background, it doesn’t really sound like a Hawaiian song, but it sure is fun.  There is also a tape edit after the drum solo (just before the one minute mark) that is just so slightly off beat.  I like stuff like that. 

                I have made a big deal out of the humor that The Turtles have, but their musicianship is also outstanding.  Lots of bands had studio musicians help them out to expand “their” sound, but Turtles did things the old fashioned way and played their own instruments.  One of the nastier moments of music on the record is “Buzzsaw.”  This sucker is heavy.  The combination of the fuzz bass and overdriven organ is enough to peel the paint off a car.  In many cases, heavy music is something that is more fun to play than to listen to.  I can imagine Howard and Mark at a concert watching some terrible opening band drudge through some plodding, heavy, rock crunch fest and telling each other, “We gotta make fun of this.”  Nothing they ever make fun of ever seems mean spirited though.  It’s tongue-in-cheek, and full of winks and small grins. 

             I have a personal connection to the song “You Showed Me.”  I have a 45rpm of this one that my wife and I used to play very early in our relationship.  We used to sit around and play this one on repeat, resetting the needle each time, just like they used to do in the 60’s.  This is fabulous make-out music, and Mark and Howard’s voices set the mood perfectly.  I am also pretty sure this is one of the first times that a synthesizer (moog) was used on a popular recording.      

Tones:  I find myself amazed at the sound of Howard Kaylen’s voice.  It can be so pretty, but so edgy as well.  Compare the lead vocal on “Battle of the Bands” to “You Showed Me,” and you will see what I mean.  Mark Voleman also sings like a school choir boy (that’s a good thing) on the bridge of “You Showed Me.”  Listen to how he says “fall”.  The note actually drops as he sings it, making it sound like “fall…all…all". Lastly, Jim Pons contributes some impossibly low country singing (mocking the Johnny Cash/Dave Dudley baritone) to “Too Much Heartsick Feeling.” 

Cover Note:  This album is an entire concept package.  While the cover is fairly tame (just the boys in tuxedos) the inside cover is where it’s at.  For each song The Turtles not only created a song as a different band, but dressed up as the band too.  There is even a name for each “band.”  Here they are:

1.       The U.S. Teens featuring Raoul

2.       The Atomic Enchilada

3.       Howie, Mark, Johnny, Jim & Al

4.       Quad City Ramblers

5.       The L.A. Bust '66

6.       The Fabulous Dawgs

7.       The Cross Fires (The Turtles’ original name back when they were a surf band)

8.       Chief Kamanawanalea and his Royal Macadamia Nuts

9.       Nature's Children

10.   The Bigg Brothers

11.   Fats Mallard and the Bluegrass Fireball

12.   All

Price paid:  I remember paying around $10.00 for this one.  My copy is an original White Whale label pressing.  I have never been a stickler for having an original pressing.  That just happened to be what I stumbled upon.  The cool thing about the Turtles’ records is that they were reissued on vinyl in the 80’s by Rhino records.  That means you can find them for cheaper than what I paid. 

Bottom Line:  The Turtles are an extremely satisfying band, definately an A-list band of the 60’s.  In my opinion “Battle of the Bands” is their best effort because it seems like they are really able to be themselves.  That may sound ironic considering the concept of the record, but that is exactly what makes the Turtles so intriguing.  How can a band be its best self when it’s pretending to be a band it’s not?  I think you better go ask your Zen master that one.  He’s up at the monastery playing “Battle of the Bands” right now.

Mark Volman and Howard Kaylan (Flo & Eddie) "The Phlorescent Leech & Eddie" 1972

Mark Volman and Howard Kaylan (aka Flo and Eddie) are easily two of the most underrated talents in rock history.  Everybody knows these guys voices, but very few people know who they are.  As the leaders of the Turtles, they turned out satirical laughs, several amazingly idiosyncratic albums, and some of the best singles of the 60’s.  After getting royally screwed by their record company, White Whale, they worked with Frank Zappa on some of his most humorous work.  Some of it was totally over the line, and really irritated/offended a lot of Turtles and Zappa fans.  All of it however was performed with stunning musical prowess and over the top showmanship.  After Frank Zappa was hospitalized, by a deranged fan who pushed him off stage, Howard and Mark set out on their own using most of Frank’s band as backing musicians.  “The Phlorescent Leech & Eddie” was the result.

       Listen very carefully as the banjo on this album begins and you can hear someone quietly say, “Pete Townsend” for some reason.  As the song begins and the boys introduce themselves, a choir (literally) of vocals says “We hope you’re ready for Flo and Eddie.”  And boy you better be because this is not your regular run of the mill album.
              Mark starts off “Thoughts Have Turned” with some raunchy clean guitar and takes the lead vocal.  The beat is driven hard by Aynsley Dunbar, who plays dynamically in a sort of more focused Keith Moon fashion.  The vocals weave in and out with falsetto that is as light as a cotton ball.  Mark sings that his thoughts have “turned to love” for a girl who is able to “share herself with everyone.”  Poor Mark. 

                When I first heard this album, the song that stuck out to me most was “Feel Older Now.”  If the falsetto in “Thoughts Have Turned” as light as a cotton ball, then here it’s sharper than a straight razor.  Part of me feels like they are making fun of bands like Led Zeppelin (Immigrant Song) here, but they do it with straight faces.  This is actually an epic song with angry creaked out vocals, subtly nasty lyrics (“I’m hard on you”), and a chorus that burns with rocket-like fury. 

                Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to walk into a party in the year 1972.  As I picture it, “I’ve Been Born Again” would be playing with its scant two chords and high-hat sizzle.  This may be the best song on the album, and it is easy to get wrapped up in this one.  Everything in this song is a hook.  The trumpet and repetitious vocals just go on and on.  Things never get boring though.  Vocals harmonize and fade in and out.  It is not a song that really builds.  It is a song that holds steady.  I would rate its intensity a 7 from start to finish.  Tell me you don’t want to walk into a party that is cookin’ at a seven when you walk in.  My wife absolutely loves this song.  Her face lights up when I play it.  She even asked for a CD copy of my vinyl copy which I gladly gave her.  Now, she plays this song for me in the car.   

            My son on the other hand really likes “Nikki Hoi.”  Either that or he likes how weird my wife and I act while it is playing.  This is a song that would have fit nicely on the Turtles record “Battle of the Bands” (where the Turtles pretend to be a different band for every song).  Mark and Howard were always great at making convincing sounding genre exercises.  They always found a way to make them their own though.  For example, the little bubbling sounds they add on the song would never be on a real “Hawaiian” song, but are a silly (and surprisingly fitting) addition.  Also catch some of the classic Flo & Eddie humor at the end with one of them saying “Aloha, Joe” in a female voice to an American G.I.  In addition to their talent, these guys are silly.  

Tones:  Jim Pons sings and plays bass on this record.  He was also in the Turtles, and followed Flo & Eddie for several Zappa records.  His voice is extremely low and I love that it is featured here.  It really gives a bit of continuity which flows from Turtles to Zappa to Flo & Eddie.  You can hear his low “Ooh Ahh, Ooh Ahh” at the end of “Goodbye Surprise.”   Don Preston adds some great keyboard parts to this record as well.  Check out his piano rolls on “Why It Never Happened.”

Cover Note:  Wow!  Look at these guys!  Mark’s yellow shirt is incredible!  And have you ever seen a more perfect set of chompers?  I want to hang out with these guys so badly.  Howard was always a touch chubby when he was in the Turtles, but here he is super thin and has a head of mostly grey hair.  Seriously, what is he, 31?  His duck shirt is amazing too.  I could frame this record on my wall and smile every time I look at it.  Looking at it really makes me happy.

Price paid:  I had to order this off of Ebay.  It was about $11.00.  I have seen a few of their later records in the bins I dig through, but never this one.  If you find it, snatch it up because you won’t see it again.

Bottom Line:  This is a great record for music weirdos and family men.  It’s quirky, but not offensive.  It’s silly, but not hokey.  It’s musical, but not heady.  This album lies in the middle ground between the Turtles’ poppyness and Zappa’s musicality.  If you like the Turtles, there is enough of their sound to keep you happy.  The same is true if you are a Zappa fan.  I hope you’re ready, for Flo &  Eddie.